Posted August 29, 2013 by CPS

Most of the world is water. Most of a human being is water. These are facts, people, internet facts. Water powers the Hoover Dam and us. That’s something you and a dam have in common. Ponder that.

Naturally, we love water here at CPS. We love it so much, we drink it throughout the day. We even give away free water (on tap and in beverage machines!) to all of our employees. We’re a magical place to work. To prove our love of water to you, we’re going to break up with it. Trust us, this isn’t a mutual thing. Water’s going to go crazy like we texted it with ‘Me+You= :-(’. This is the kind of break up speech that begins with ‘I cheated on you’ and ends with ‘your sister’. Water’s going to want to revenge.

Don’t worry, water. We’ll come back to you, after we prove how much we miss you.

This head-to-head challenge is the Cinco de Dryo, a contest with an ample five minutes to finish. Each contestant must consume, unaided, five Oreos, five pretzel rods, five powdered donuts, five saltines, and five melba toasts. That’s twenty-five delicious things to not-salivate for. If this doesn’t make water jealous, than we don’t know what will.

Water is going to hate us. We are never getting back together. Like, ever.

Just like any Taylor Swift song, this challenge is going to end in tears. That will be the only liquid we’ll still be capable of producing. And unlike most of these challenges, the tears will totally be necessary this time since we’ll have nothing else to drink. With no beverage machines in site, only sweet, salty tears will be available to quench our parched tongues.

As always, we encourage you to try this at home. But only as long as you record your attempts at loving food. Your videos make us chortle. That’s right, we chortle at you. Deal with it, internet.

CPS: Keeping Beverage Machines Running So You and Water Never Have to Fight

We missed you, water.

Watch our video at: http://vimeo.com/70892884